Snake Oil
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We have a page on our book site dedicated to Snake Oil. In the book The Cosmic Fly Swatter there is a chapter devoted to this ancient art. For this page on our blog we will be posting the most notable Snake Oil offerings that are being served by the Propaganda Class (Media), the Financial Class (Wall Street), The Pirate Class (All Governments) and the Liar Class (Academia). We might just offer you some of our own brands…
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ISLAMALOTHIA
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8/14/2009
Conspiracy Theory: Weather in LA?
By the Amigress
I live in Los Angeles, West Los Angeles to be exact. West LA is the home of world famous Beverly Hills, Westwood Village (where the UCLA campus resides), Brentwood (where O.J. Simpson became a murderer), Santa Monica (Palisades Park and the famous Santa Monica Pier) and, of course, miles and miles of beautiful sand heading north to beautiful Malibu and south Palos Verdes.
I’m not a native Angelino – I grew up in Delaware. Growing up on the East Coast, I had to deal with a lot of nasty weather. One particular winter will not be forgotten. It actually rained ice for several days. The effect was a scene of beautiful winter-picture trees lacing the leaden sky with a tapestry of thick ice coated branches. When the sun came out, it was a dazzling display of diamond-like fingers… AND FREEZING COLD! Don’t even get me started about how hard it is to drive on a road that is a sheet of ice. I’m sure anyone with a drivers license who has lived where it freezes will understand how much of a nightmare it is. So, to make a short story longer, I feel very fortunate to now call West Los Angeles home and take advantage of the beautiful, world-famous weather in which I frolic with several million of my closest friends.
What does this have to do with any conspiracy theory? Well, I’m going to tell you. Like all good theories, certain random yet significant events need to occur first before they can be pieced together conclusively. There are 2 random events that belong to my particular conspiracy.
Event #1: Shooting Stars
This week, apparently Saturn’s influence in the solar system along with some debris from a recent comet passing by our planet, produced a meteor shower that could be seen here on Earth. I’m not into astronomy so I Googled this event to find out more information. Supposedly this is an annual event and it is called the Perseid meteor shower. They call it this because the shooting stars seem to radiate from the constellation Perseus. Well, that’s what they are saying.
The only reason I became aware of this event was an evite that appeared mysteriuosly in my inbox. It invited me to join some of my friends on an overnight adventure to watch the show emanating from Perseus. The event included tents and sketchy bathroom facilities. Luckily it was on a Tuesday night, so I was able to graciously decline this rather tempting invitation.
I have a full-time job that requires me to be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at all times. Being groggy and grumpy from a lack of sleep wouldn’t exactly be beneficial to me or my coworkers on a work day. Also, there would be the lack of adequate light to apply mascara properly. Nobody needs to see me without make-up on. Besides this, my suspicion meter was buzzing for no good reason. So game-off!
Event #2: Exercise on the Beach
Every Tuesday after work, a friend and I walk through Palisades Park in Santa Monica. We take the stairs down to the beach and then huff-and-puff our way through the sand to lifeguard stand number #18. We usually see a pod of dolphins and an amazing sunset while we are torturing ourselves with exercise. Last night, the rising full moon produced an amazing display of natural beauty. The sky was scattered with cotton puff-clouds painted against a purple and navy blue background. The moon itself was a pale yellow and it hung so low on the horizon that I was sure I could reach out and touch it. But there was something that marred this beautiful sky-scene. It was a multitude of smoke trails, presumably from several airplanes. They had crisscrossed the evening twilight all the way over the cliffs of the Pacific Palisades.
While I was applying my mascara this morning before work, I pondered all those crayon-like vapor trails that had last night cluttered my beautiful evening sky like so much unwanted cosmic graffiti. Then I began to wonder if our beautiful world-famous weather is actually all that beautiful. I almost added two extra pounds of mascara just thinking about it.
Had the great cosmic event of the Perseid meteors over the past couple of days been preceded by some kind of human interference? Things were not adding up for me in my pre-coffee state of mind. I wasn’t sure that things weren’t purposely out of whack.
Fact #1: It has been unseasonably cold enough to need a sweater at night.
Fact#2: Those cotton puff clouds rolled in as a fog covering West LA in a grey blanket of mist, thick enough to cover the tops of the high-rise buildings along the Wilshire corridor.
That might not sound very strange to you, but certain meteorological events in Los Angeles can cause a mental condition that I like to call “So Cal Freak-Out.” A day without sunshine and 82 degree weather during prime summertime in Southern California is more than enough to cause “So Cal Freak-Out.” At the very least it makes a So Cal Gal certain that climate change really is happening and that the world is coming to an end. Something was definitely fishy and momentarily I wondered if I shouldn’t try to reach Al Gore, for the good of my country.
Lucky for me, however, I don’t suffer from So Cal Freak-Out. The way I figure it, everyone gets hit by The Cosmic Flyswatter at some point in their life, so I believe that you should save the freak outs for when you actually get swatted. Besides, we can’t control the weather. Can we? That’s what everyone has been told to believe.
But what if this isn’t true? What if the government actually has the technology to control the weather? What if they were flying normal looking airplanes, in certain areas of the country, several days in advance of certain cosmic events, seeding the atmosphere with compounds that turn cotton puff-clouds into a thick soupy fog in an otherwise sunny and warm climate? Whew! That’s a mouthful!
But what if this technology looked like smoke trails coming off the tail-end of normal looking airplanes and jets? Think about it. The only way they could hide something this big would be in plain site. Right? The government is certainly clever enough to send these airplanes out all the time in crisscross missions, aren’t they? They just pattern the sky by mixing with normal smoke trails so that ordinary humans wouldn’t suspect nothing, not no how! The man on the street would acclimate himself to seeing these missions all the time and eventually disregard the airplane activity all together. That’s it!
Now, let’s get back to the meteor shower. The cosmos is a creature of infinite magnitude. It’s hard to believe that we are the only life form that exists in this huge monster of universe. It’s also hard to believe that anything as random as the universe would maintain any kind of order at all and yet, like clockwork, the Perseid meteor shower happens every year. Coincidence? Well, that’s what they might like you to believe.
Which brings me to the heart of my conspiracy theory. All it takes is a a bit of deduction, a bit of logic and some unaided observation.
Conspiracy Theory
The government is in cahoots with a life form that is not of this planet. The meteor shower is a timed event allowing these visitors access to certain areas of our planet on a yearly time schedule. For what purpose, I can’t even imagine. However, just like the meteors from a meteor shower, these visitors have to subject themselves to our atmosphere upon entering the interior space of our planet. To disguise their fiery entry through our atmosphere, they use the cover of the meteor shower to make it look as though their spaceship is a simple shooting star. They need to hide their presence from ordinary humans once they reach this earthly destination. So the government creates a cover of thick fog over the area where our mystery visitors make their entry. It is all designed so that nobody can see them while they undertake whatever nefarious projects they and our government are pursuing.
To disguise this activity in a place like West Los Angeles, the government needs to work very hard at creating the cover of inclement weather. That is why I have seen so many of those ordinary airplanes crisscrossing the evening sky (while walking on the beach in Santa Monica), leaving their thick smoke trails behind them. They clearly begin work several months in advance over West LA in order to seed the sky with enough weather control gas. It is the only way they can produce enough of the thick soupy mess of weather that their efforts require. This soupy mess, BTY, finally burned off this afternoon.
Crazy? Maybe, but there just isn’t any other explanation for the weather we are having. Blame it on the aliens? I do. And I have undertaken to investigate just what this secret project is all about. I will let you know my findings, that is, if I don’t disappear first. But if I do at least you will know what really happened.
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6/24/2009
Everyone should take notice that “Global Warming” is no longer a proper term being used by the Cap and Trade mongers. Since the actual science they had based their scare tactics on has proved embarrassing (this includes the liars in Europe) they have decided to “change” things. Change is fashionable these days as we all know. Since we are actually getting colder, Global Warming will no longer be used. It has been changed to “Climate Change.” This way they can square reality with their snake oil, and … they get to use that word “change” to boot! Yippee!
To read about this, check out Larrey Anderson’s article at American Thinker
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May 29, 2009
In a classic application of Snake Oil, Snake Oil Salesman Supreme, Gibbs stated today that Supreme Court nominee Sotomayor “Chose her words poorly” when she made the racist remark that Latino women’s judgments on the bench were superior to white men’s judgments.
First of all the statement is by definition racist.
Secondly Gibbs claimed that others told him that she thought that she chose her words poorly making his statement a cheap exercise in hearsay and no retraction from Sotomayor at all.
Thirdly, even if she did admit that she chose her words poorly which she has not done, which words were the one’s that were chosen poorly and what words would she substitute?
April 24, 2009
If you would like to experience a Snake Oil Salesman at work daily, simply follow the present White House Press Secretary, Gibbs.
It is true that all White House Press Secretaries are by nature Snake Oilers, but the present one is of special interest. Part of being a good Snake Oiler is dressing your lies with small and simple truths as a form of distraction. Mr. Gibbs practices no such arts. He belongs to that category of Snake Oilers who believes such expediencies are of no value whatsoever. He belongs to that group of Snake Oil Salesman who have nothing but contempt for their targets. They tell fantastical lies believing that no one would doubt such utter nonsense.
I’m not sure about this man or his credentials as a bona fide Snake Oiler. I will have to investigate where his degree came from. I don’t think his credentials in Snake Oiling could have come from Harvard for several reasons, but you never know. Off the top of my head I would place his traning in bayou country.
I could be completely off base. After listening to his tap dance about why attacking our own intelligence services was such a good idea, it occurred to me that maybe he believes his own Snake Oil. But the grade and quality of his oil was so unusual that I concluded that he is one of four things:
1. An Idiot
2. A Liar
3. On drugs,
or
4. Suffering from previous severe drug abuse.
We will let you know.