The Most Interesting Man in the World
April 25, 2009
“I have lived my life vicariously through myself… I once had an awkward moment just to see what it was like…”
Last night I heard words like this, delivered in the third person, about a character in a beer commercial. It was very funny. Besides the beer being one of my two favorite beers which are both Mexican, the actor is handsome, cool, verile and yet fairly advanced in age. I decided at that moment that I was this man. I went to bed saying to my self “I once had an awkward moment just to see what it was like…”
This was a mistake. I woke up this morning wondering if I had lived my life vicariously through my self. “Stay thirsty, my friends!” kept repeating in my brain as I made coffee. The damage was done. I spent the next thirty minutes evaluating my life as the most interesting man in the world.
On the plus or credit side of the argument for my self as a candidate there were a lot of assets. I grew up in Beverly Hills the son of an actress and a bon vivant. I learned to operate motor driven vehicles at an early age. I went to a military academy after hanging out with corrupting movie stars. I never got called in the draft to go to Vietnam. My mother told me I was a coward if I didn’t go, my Dad said I was an idiot if I did. I didn’t volunteer. I got close to a degree in business before abandoning the effort. I lived in a tent in Big Sur, got analyzed by early Gestalt therapists, and spent my twenties in the car business in parts, sales and service. I learned construction and carpentry from notables, then moved to Nevada and became the ranch maintenance manager for a former US Congressman on the largest dairy farm at that time in the state. I returned to LA and became licensed as a general contractor. I built an office building and an apartment complex on an engineered slab over a semi-subterranean garage. I remodeled dozens of houses. In my spare time, I rode motorcycles, became proficient and certified in the use of small arms, pistol, rifle, and shotgun. I became an avid bicyclist owning a mountain bike as early as 1984, wrote 13 screen plays, sold two (never produced), became a photographer and hiked every chance I could. I am proficient in the use of Adobe Photoshop, InDesign, Illustrator, Acrobat Pro and Dreamweaver. I’ve written a novel, built my own web-site, and am now studying Green Building. I am the most interesting man in the world, just ask me.
“Stay thirsty, my friends.”
Well, except there is a debit side of my balance sheet and I began to list it in my mind as I headed up the trail earlier today. The debits mostly involve other humans, and almost always women. My heart was broken the first time by a Middle-Eastern princess whose mother sold her out from under me for 1.5 million dollars. My first wife ran off after finding everybody else more interesting than me. This is hardly a plus as a candidate for the most interesting man in the world. My second wife did the same thing. She left me. I don’t know for sure if other interesting people helped her in her decision, but it was clear that she lost all interest in me.
Still, I did have a chance to help raise three little girls, and one of them still loves me. And for several years I was truly in love with the most intelligent, elegant, kind, caring, affectionate, graceful, generous, sweet smelling, sexy good cook on planet earth. Well at least I thought so for a very long time. Anyway, I’ll put this back up in the credit side.
I am the most interesting man in the world, in spite of the fact that I have never: sky-dived, deep sea fished, killed large game in Africa, been to war, won the lottery, been elected to Congress, gotten rich building a business, invented anything or starred in a movie. Just ask me. But not having my own family and children is the greatest debit of my life. I can only restrain my regret and “Stay Thirsty!”
There is another dimension to my life, however. It has been with me for over forty years. I have studied, or investigated or joined almost every religion, that wasn’t clearly evil. I even spent an evening on a veranda in Costa Rica debating a Buddhist Lama. Twelve years of Catholic School and Jesuits; I would eventually return part way and hang with evangelical Christians. I’ve read the Bible five times in four different translations. I like all Christians even the obnoxious ones. And there are plenty, myself included. After all is said and done though, I am a Catholic mainly because of Augustine and Aquinas.
These facts don’t fit on my balance sheet. They have nothing to do with my being or not being the most interesting man in the world. But they might come in handy, later on.
I have a friend who grew up in a cult and suffered a lot of confusion in life because of this fact. My friend recently sent me an email detailing how praying to God was never possible before knowing me, and that now praying is a growing comfort.
So I ended my hike this morning evaluating myself as the most interesting man in the world with a vision of, naturally, myself.
I saw myself at the Pearly Gates, explaining to St. Peter that I am truly the most interesting man in the world. He was ignoring me and shutting the gates up against me. Then I remembered the email. I reached in my pocket and pulled it out and pleaded with St. Pete to at least, “Read this!” Just before the latch was locked, His Saintliness took the email and read it. He smiled and let me in…
My vision ended and I hiked back down the hill. I went home and made several copies of that email. I put one in my car, and one in the inside pocket of every jacket that I own, just in case.
I don’t have to be the most interesting man in the world. I think I’ll settle for being interested, instead.
"Stay Thirsty, My Friends"